Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Journeying to Kinshasa

I’ve told you before about my absolute and utter inability to say GOODBYE to people. It is a weird choice for a profession that I have made for myself, given that. I am going to Kinshasa for a week and am coming back Monday. I was supposed to come back Sunday. We were all going to have a pizza dinner down on the lake front. Now I will not be home for the pizza dinner. There will be wine and candles and tasty toppings. I will miss it. By the time I get home to Goma, E will be gone. H will be leaving on vacation. K won’t be there. Nothing will be the same. Sometimes I hate love.

In my next life, I will live in a tiny village on a green rolling hill, where people are born, stay, die, and never leave.

I am in the MONUC air terminal waiting for my UNHAS flight. My face is all splotchy and I long for the anonymity of a big crowded Western airport where I could just sit down by myself and have a nice self-indulgent cry and nobody would care. Goma’s a small town. These people around me all know people who know people whom I know.

Oh well.

There’s the rusting remnants of a crashed airplane over to my right behind razor wire curling like a fern frond. O! Goma. You’re such a weird place.


Well, damn.

Just when I’m totally content wallowing in my own complete misery, stupid strangers come along with their stupid beautiful kindnesses and they get me – every time. Every time! My flip flop broke as I walked through security and a woman who works here ran after me, stopped me, and gave me – GAVE ME – her shoes. Asked nothing in return. I hugged her and she laughed. Should I have gifted her with something too? Oh, I don’t know. I will try to find a small and lovely item in Kin to bring back for her, hoping I can find her again. THANK YOU. And the shoes? They fit PERFECTLY.

Okay, FINE, humanity. You’ve won me over again.

I’m excited to see Kinshasa.


PAH said...

It is hard to go through the sense of loss and I am sure that not many words can alleviate what you are going through with your friends leaving (especially from someone who has gone through less transitions than you have). However, sometimes it is after going through a loss (friendship, familial, etc), that I truly appreciate making new beginnings (kind of not realizing how great some dishes are until you have been really hungry). Also, good friendships truly never leave, they just transition into something different.
But, here's hoping your days become brighter and your journeys safe and fun!

Rachel said...

Thank you. That's so sweet and I really appreciate it. I am just TERRIBLE with goodbyes, and it doesn't get easier the more I travel. I don't think it gets harder, either, though. But your kind words mean a lot to me, just as that woman giving me her shoes meant a lot -- it reminds me of all the wonderful people out there in this world who I haven't yet met! Really, thanks :o)

D. Watson said...

:?) Thank you for sharing.

Rachel said...